7.20.25 - Writer Unblock
I've had a gap in writing here. That's because the very problems that I implemented this blog to solve––my risk aversion, my tendency to perfectionism, my preoccupation with careerism––have gotten the best of me. Maybe more on that later.
I have a ton of drafts of things. Dozens. Unfunished book reviews and movie reviews and cultural commentary. But I got too preoccupied finish them to put anything out. Going to have to stop doing that. So this an attempt at writer unblocking. Some assorted thoughts knocking around my mind.
1. I am deeply unimpressed with people as of late. It's a terrible way to feel about your fellow human being. But its how I feel. I find a lot of colleagues petty and shallow and not terribly interesting. I'm unimpressed with most people my age and in my field. There are plenty of exceptions. But by and large, it feels like the people I meet aren't very funny, traveled, or have much to say. A lot of people float around life thinking and saying a whole buncha nothing--which is a problem to me because I'm understimulated. And if you say anything about anything people look at you like a crazy person. Just having actual thoughts or observations or opinions is mildly transgressive. I guess you're just supposed to walk around, talk about where you went to brunch last weekend, or the latest streaming show, or express vague left-leaning platitudes and comments on national politics, and that's what sort of amounts to being a person in certain circles. It kind of makes me ill to be around people like that.
2. I like King of The Hill and have been watching it some more because now that my girlfriend is on the Family Guy before bed wave I need more comforting animation to fall asleep to. It's a very nice show, but I remember I didn't care for it when I was a child staying up to watch the Adult Swim lineup.
3. Many people are very poor conversationalists, and I going out to bars and such with single friends is increasingly tedious. When I was single I had a higher tolerance for the social ineptitude of the general population, because I guess I was trying to meet/hookup with girls. Now I go out with zero intentions other than to just entertain myself or maybe meet someone that I can introduce to my friend. With no ulterior motives clouding my judgement I am sometimes taken aback by the anti-social tendencies of others -- a failure to do natural things like ask follow up questions, introduce themselves to the people next to you, etc. Today I was with a friend at a bar waiting for a drink and a girl next to me had a tattoo, so I asked her what it was. She told me it was the coat of arms of Ukraine. "That's cool, where did that originate from?" "Uhh, its like the symbol of Ukraine?" "Nice, do you like Ukraine, are you from there?" "My parents are form Ukraine, I was born here. I like Ukraine better than here, I hate this country, because I fucking hate Donald Trump." "Oh, okay, yeah I get that." *silence* "So uh, what are some reasons you think Ukraine's better?" "It's just more beautiful, much more beautiful than here." "Yeah, totally, I've always wanted to visit." *nothing* "Well it was nice meeting you." I don't know, interactions like this kind of piss me off. And they're just a little too frequent. So many cool things to talk about, your family is from Ukraine!! All you have to do is reciprocate a bit and I'd probably love to hear things you would want to talk about. But it seems that people sometimes have trouble with this. Or at least my approach. Whatever.
4. Using digital technology and the internet almost invariably feels worse than using anything analog or offline. Something about phyiscal, concrete, fully self-reliant pieces of hardwire just scratches an itch and feels good. Using the kindle feels quite nice. Using a moleskin does too. Even writing in the text edit tool feels more elegant than using the properietary microsoft word. Something about ownership, intelligbility, tangibility. I want to lean into that feeling more. I'm buying a typewriter.
knxnts